Think Outside The Bun
by JayleeJ
Summary: Gaara's employment at the new Taco Bell displeased quite a few customers. To hell with them, if they didn't like him pouring sand in their food, they could just gorge themselves at McDonalds and leave him alone. T for language.


**A/N:** Hola. The Marriage Counselor should be coming out this following week. So be on the look out!

**Disclaimer:** Yo espero que Taco Bell y Naruto sea para mi. Pero no hoy. XD

(I'm sure that's not right. If you can speak Spanish or at least write it, can you tell me the proper way to say 'I wish that Taco Bell and Naruto was for me, but not today' in a review? This is just further proof of my grade in Spanish III. Subjunctive makes no sense! Anyways…)

**Enjoy!**

**:xXx:**

**First Name:** _Gaara._

**Last Name:** _Sabaku._

**Date:** _I...don't know._

**Sex:** _I'm a virgin…but I don't see the correlation between this piece of information and whether or not I'm qualified to work here._

**Preferred Hours:** _To tell you the truth, I don't want to be here at all._

**Desired Salary:** _200,000. In all twenties. Weekly._

**Place of residence:** _83 Sandlodge drive._

**Strong Points:** _I can make people listen to me. _

**Weak Points:** _I have no weaknesses._

**Hobbies: **_Killing, disfiguring, and the intricate art of cutting throats with sand._

**Where can I get a reference? **_You can't. All the people who could are now dead._

**Phone Number**: _918-227-4494_

**Sign Here: **_Make me._

Gaara dropped the application sheet on the managers' desk and continued to sulk. Applying for Taco Bell this Saturday was _not _how he wanted to spend the weekend. The overweight supervisor looked up from the paper and frowned.

"You…have no references. Or…you murdered your references." Gaara gave him a once over. The man was obese and had a handlebar mustache. He noticed that every time he moved his head, his toupee grew more lopsided.

Typical.

Gaara didn't bother to meet his eyes.

"So?"

The man glared at him.

"…Don't you think your 'desired salary' is unreasonable? I mean, I'm the manager, and I don't make 200,000 a week, let alone in one year." Gaara yawned.

"Once again…so?" The stout man eye's narrowed.

"You're a little impolite for my liking punk…watch your manners." His returned to scanning the application while Gaara sent him a venomous glare. _No one_ commanded Gaara of the Sand, the most deadly 16-year-old on earth to do _anything,_ unless, of course, they wanted a death wish. However, for his beloved Temari, he will keep his lethal sand at bay.

…For now.

"So…you're a virgin eh?" sneered the manager. "Even though that's not what the question was asking, I can't say I'm really surprised." Gaara's eyes narrowed at the sniggering man as he stood up.

"This ends now. You're wasting my time. Are you going hire me or not?" The employer snorted.

"No. Of course not. Why should I? Your just some egotistic emo kid who tattoo's his face and has a bad attitude." Gaara smirked. So much for not using his sand…

"Wrong answer."

The sand uncorked itself from his gourd and settled neatly around the manager's neck. Gaara made a little hand motion and then his chakra-encoded grains compressed. The man's eyes bulged as his airway tightened and slowly closed.

"Now. Let's try this again. Are you going to hire me or not?"

-gag- -gurggle-

"What was that?"

The man sent him a pleading look and slowed nodded. Gaara, satisfied with his answer released the sand hold immediately. The manager gasped and gingerly placed his chubby hands on his neck. There were red welts glowing from the vice-like grip Gaara's sand had.

"Thank you. I start tomorrow. I don't do uniforms or fucked up hats."

And with that, Gaara left his office.

**:xXx:**

"Gaara! You're home so early! How did the meeting go?"

"…Fine…I got the job."

He sat next to Temari on the couch and took off his shoes. Kankuro was softly snoring in the recliner chair, puppets strewn all around his feet. He took the gourd from around his back off and picked up the remote, idly flipping though channels. Temari turned to Gaara and smiled.

"I'm so glad it went well brother! I was afraid that since you've never had any experience, you wouldn't get hired! This is awesome!" Gaara gave her an exasperated look.

"No. This most certainly is _not_ awesome. I don't want to work. Especially at Taco Bell. Why can't I work somewhere that at least pwns, like McDonalds? Or Burger King? Taco bell sucks….they don't even have _french fries_. What kind of fast food place has no fries?!" Temari rolled her eyes.

"I don't care. You're doing this whether you like it or not. I just want you to make some new friends and be a little more social. Is that so wrong? I think getting a job like a normal teenager is what you need." Gaara snorted.

"All I need is sand and eyeliner. I'll get by."

"Whatever. And brother?"

"What?"

"No killing. Or I won't take you McClargy's Sand Emporium next Tuesday." The younger siblings' dark eyes widened as he turned his back to Temari.

"…Hmph…"

**:xXx:**

The next day, Gaara found himself in one of the oddest predicaments…

"What the hell is that? And _why_ are you touching me?"

Currently, he was wrestling a strange bunned-haired female who was adamant on groping his chest.

"I'm just putting on your name tag!"

"Why. I know my name already." The girl laughed.

"Come on, Gaara. We open in ten minutes, and I still haven't shown you how to work the phone lines..."

**:xXx:**

"Staff, gather 'round the fryer for a moment!" A minute later, the entire workforce of Taco Bell crowded around the assistant manager.

"We have a new recruit from Sand. His name is Gaara. So everyone, I'm expecting you to show him the ropes and introduce yourself." There was a mummer of greetings and welcomes. Gaara, however, just glared at them in return. "If you ever have any problems, don't hesitate to ask." The red-haired teen glanced at him, signaling he understood.

"All right crew, the breakfast burrito rush hour starts as soon as doors open so get prepared. Dismissed." He turned around and promptly returned to his office while the workers returned to whatever they were doing before. Gaara was about to follow the girl who said she'd teach him the phone lines, but a rough hand pulled on his shoulder and steered him though the back door. A dark-haired boy around his age gave him a smug smirk while Gaara just glowered dangerously.

"Aww. Don't give me that look; I'm just trying to make new friends--- sorry, what was your name again n00b? I don't think I quite caught it."

With a sigh, Gaara decided to try those psychological exercises Temari taught him to use if he ever got the urge to kill needlessly. One of them was to 'remain calm.'

"_Don't-kill-innocent-boy-don't-kill-innocent-boy-don't-kill-innocent-boy…" _Gaara's silence made the boy smirk even wider.

"Since you're such a punk loser and won't even respond, I'll do all the talking. If you get in my way or my crew's way you'll regret it. We show no mercy. You might wake up in a hospital bed if you catch my drift. Got it_, friend_?"

"_Be-a-good-boy-like-Temari-said-be-good-boy-like-Temari-said…"_

…_.oh whatever. _

He'll practice later.

Gaara awoke from his momentary meditation and narrowed his eyes at the feminine-looking employee.

"Now---" His sand poured out and wrapped around the boy's torso.

"---let me tell you a story."

"Get this shit off of me! HEL---!" The sand stuffed his mouth. Gaara gave a sadistic smile at the trembling boy in front of him.

"Once upon a time there was a new, red-headed, innocent boy who was just minding his own business at a Taco Bell---"

-wheeze- -choke- -gasp-

"Shhh. I'm trying to tell a story. Anyways. The red head was then forcefully pulled away and spoken to rudely by some poser. So, the lovable red-haired child defended himself and ripped the rude boy's arms off.---The end."

-more choked gagging noises-

"You like the story ne? I should make it come true! Just for you."

-gag- "P-p-p-p…"

"What was that? Speak up, I can't hear you."

"P-p-p-ple-e-e-s-e…."

"Please what? Let me kill you? If you say so…"

"N-no! D-d-don't…"

"Don't what? Allow you live?---"

-cough- -hack-

"---Since you're such punk dying boy and won't even respond, I'll do all the talking. If you touch me or my sand in anyway you'll regret it. I show no mercy. Certain _accidents_ can happen in fast-food kitchens if you catch my drift. Got it…_friend_?" The boy nodded and fell unconscious while the sand released him to an unkind ground.

The ill fated Taco Bell employee's uniform was soaked with sweat and blood. Gaara grabbed his drenched collar and dragged him beside the dumpster. Just as he was about to leave, the girl who was supposed to be his show guide opened the back door. He quickly wiped the incriminating blood on his pants and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The female smiled sweetly upon finding him.

"Gaara! I've been looking everywhere for…for…for…OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO HAKU?!" The brunette kneeled beside his body, running a hand over his pale face. Gaara just leaned on the door frame with dull eyes.

"We have to call an ambulance!" The red-head snorted nonchalantly.

"His health is of no concern of mine."

"Huh? What do you mean? …Tell me what _happened_?!" she repeated. The sand nin's eyes darted around, hoping a sound explanation would form. When none did, he just uttered out the first thing that came to his head.

"It…was a blender."

"It's true. He slipped and fell on the glass part, thus the blood on his uniform. I was here. I saw it." The teenaged girl blinked twice.

"Okay then…where's the blender?"

"It, err, was eaten by some rabid unicorns that just ran by." A look of understanding slid on the girls face.

"Oh…well that makes sense I suppose…"

Gaara nodded and took one last look at Haku. Although he was unconscious, he saw his chest rise and fall. A wave of relief passed through him.

"_Well Temari I didn't break your rule, the boy is still breathing, so I didn't kill anyone…_

…_Maiming is perfectly okay…."_

**:xXx:**

"Okay, the phone lines are pretty easy. Once it rings, answer it politely and ask 'How can I help you?' If it's just directions they want, read off what's on this note card," She pointed to a neon card taped on atop the small desk "If it's the price of something, just read off the menu board. Understand?" She tried giving another smile. Gaara's eyes narrowed. Of course he understood. What, did she think he was stupid or something?

"Yes girl, I comprehend. I'll be doing this all day?"

"I have a name you know. It's Tenten."

"Point?"

"Don't call me 'girl'! Call me by my name! You wouldn't like it if I called you 'eyeliner boy' right?"

"Anyways, no, you'll be up here answering calls with the cashiers until lunch. Then you switch out. That's why we placed the phones so near the front for convenience…All set?" The adolescent nodded and turned the other way.

"Thanks…Tenten."

**:xXx:**

Gaara found himself victim to many angry stares of the staff workers before him. He was just upgraded to cashier since answering lines apparently wasn't his forte. (Many came in to complain about the 'rude boy on the phone.') In his opinion he didn't do anything wrong. They were all just morons.

_-ring-_

"_Hello?"_

"_Hi, is this the Taco Bell off Crimson?"_

"…_Our Taco Bell is more of an off-white color."_

_-click-_

_Tenten looked up at Gaara peculiarly "…Gaara…that was a pretty quick phone conversation…what'd he ask?"_

"_Something about 'are we off crimson'. I told him our building was painted an off white color, not red. That was all." Tenten had the urge to laugh but since this was his first time working with phones, she concurred._

"_Gaara…this restaurant is located off Crimson Blvd!"_

"…_Just next time they ask, say yeah---"_

"_But---"  
_

"_Gaara…trust me on this one."_

_-ring-_

"_Hello?"_

"_Uh yeah, is this the Taco Bell off Crimson?"_

_-sigh- "Yes…"_

"_Okay, Me and my friends don't know what to eat, so can you tell us some of the items off the menu please? Like, what do you serve?" Garra rolled his eyes. _

"_Let's see. The name of this eatery is TACO BELL, so what the hell do you __**think**__ we serve? Ramen?"_

_-click-_

_Tenten gave him a reproachful look while Gaara just shrugged and ignored her. It's not his fault. Don't ask stupid questions if you didn't want a stupid answer…_

_-ring-_

"_Hello?"_

"_So does that mean you DO sell ramen? Shweet---!"_

_-click-_

_-ring-_

"_Hello? Is this Taco Bell?"_

"_Mhmm."_

"_Is there any way I can order on the phone and come pick it up?"_

"_No. Just use the drive-thru. It's more or less the same thing."_

"_But I don't a have a car."_

"_Then walk."_

"_But I don't have legs."_

"_Then wheel over here."_

"_But I don't have a wheelchair."_

"_Then fuck. Eat somewhere else then!"_

_-click-_

_Damn handicapped boy making life difficult for the rest of us…_

"_Gaara! Don't curse at our customers!"_

**:xXx:**

"Itachi, after you're done cleaning up, can you come here for a sec? We have to decide where we want to eat for lunch today."

"Fine---hold on…"

Itachi wiped off his chainsaw and emerged from the cell chamber as if nothing horrific just happened. He entered the base kitchen and sat in his appropriate spot waiting from the meeting to begin.

"So…" started Leader. "Where are we going to go for lunch today? Since are usual hang-out spot at KFC was _blown up---_Deidara snickered---where to now? _Red Lobster_ maybe?" The blue member next to him looked appalled.

"I don't think so. You people are sadistic enough to have me _eat_ my brothers and sisters?" asked Kisame. Oh right. The shark thing.

"If not _Red Lobster_ the what about _Chik-fil-A_?" inquired Sasori. Pein shook his head.

"Negative. The Akatsuki as a whole was banned from _Chik-fil-A's_ world wide just cause _someone_ lost their cool and decided to _Amaterasu_ the dancing cow for insubordinate behavior, which, by the way Itachi, was totally uncalled for. Just because he didn't moo like you asked it to doesn't mean you can go and make hamburgers out of him." Itachi smirked. That damn cow got what was coming to him…

"His only place in life was to moo happily and to create food for the rest of us. Not dance. Dancing cows deserve to die in my book."

"Is this the same book that said it'd be funny if you killed 400 of your clan members?"

"…I suppose so."

"Then your book is more bullshit then Tsunades boobs. You're a sick, sick man Itachi…"

"Hn---"

"So…" interrupted Deidara. "What about that new fast-food place, what was it? Taco Chime?" Leader nodded in approvement.

"You mean Taco _Bell_?...well, I don't see why not…all in favor?"

"…Hn."

"Aa…"

"Sure."

"Whatever…"

"Okay then." said Pein standing up. "Taco Bell it is."

**:xXx:**

Cashiering wasn't as fun as Gaara thought it would be. People came in and asked for the _stupidest_ crap. He thought since the name of the place was TACO BELL, what they served was pretty self explanatory.

Key word: _thought._

Until Naruto came along.

"Heyyy Gaara! I didn't know you worked here!"

"Aa."

"Well can I have some pork ramen with---"

"Get the fuck out." said Gaara. Naruto blinked twice.

"…Huh? Gaara---!" The red-head lifted a hand for silence and proceeded to explain.

"Listen. We. Are. A. Mexican restaurant. _Ramen._ IS NOT MEXICAN YOU DORK. Therefore we don't serve it. Capuche blonde?"

"So it's a no then isn't it---?"

"Come on dobe. Let's just go to Chick-fil-A and get a sandwich. Plus their lemonade is awesome." said Sasuke. Naruto gave him an anxious look.

"No way man. Didn't someone come in and murder the cow?! What if it haunts the customers?!" Sasuke sighed.

"Yeah someone did, but that was just my retard brother. And Naruto I doubt there's a cow-ghost…"

"Well I'd feel safer if we just hit up Dairy Queen instead."

**:xXx:**

After Naruto and Sasuke left, things only proceeded to get worse.

"Hola Gaara! How's your spring day going?" said the Green Beast, Lee. Gaara just looked in the opposite direction.

"Fine. What're you going to order?"

Lee proceeded to look above Gaara's head at the menu.

**-26 minutes later-  
**

"I think I'll have…" Gaara put his hands on the cash register hopefully after almost thirty minutes of waiting for the Leaf-nin to answer. "Well, I simply can't choose. Which one is the most youthful?" Gaara banged his head on the counter a couple times before answering.

"Your mom." Lee frowned.

"Didn't you kill her a couple years ago?"

"…Probably. But whatever, just get a number 4 or something!"

"But 4 is so expensive…"

"Then get a number 7!"

"Well…."

**-40 minutes later-**

"I'll get back to you on that. What else do you have that's good?" Gaara seriously considered using his sand coffin to commit suicide. This Konoha fool was literally going to drive him to his own death. He heard more angry yells. The line by now was getting quite lengthy and some of the more rambunctious customers weren't afraid to voice their opinion. But Gaara welcomed the challenge.

"Will you hurry the hell up red-head?!"

"Looks who's talking you pink-haired skank."

"Eye-liner boy!"

"Bitc---Lee stop petting the cashier and order!" snapped Gaara. Lee bowed his head in apology. More heated shouts emitted from the line.

"Can you hurry up Gaara! The rest of us, oh I don't know, have lives to get back to!"

"Kiba," stated Gaara calmly. "…No one cares about your opinion…"

"Akamaru does!"

"Oh wow, a mutt. So influential. And you wonder why you have _negative_ _zero_ fan-girls…"

"Screw you sandman! And negative zero isn't even a _number_!"

Neji looked at his watch and saw that almost an hour had past since he got in line after Lee. Enough was enough, so he tapped his comrades' shoulder from behind.

"Lee," said Neji. "Why don't you just get a number 1? It's not very expensive and seems pretty good." Lee looked like he was seriously considering that option. A number 1? "But 1 is such a lonely, unyouthful number…"

"But if you order it, maybe it won't be so lonely anymore." Neji placed a hand on Lee's shoulder, almost as if he cared.

"Ahh! Touché!" Lee flashed a bright smile. "Gaara! Please order me the number 1 combo!" Thank Jesus.

"It's 5.49."

Lee handed over the appropriate amount of cash and memorized the meal number off his receipt. Neji moved up, drumming his fingers on the counter.

"Well, I want a number 6 with curly fries."

"We don't serve fries here Neji."

"What the hell!"

"I know. Freakin' stupid…so you just want a number 6?"

"Sure."

"It's 4.72"

"...But I'm a Hyuuga."

"…So..."

"I don't have to pay! Duh!" Gaara gave Neji an incredulous look.

"And why the hell not!?"

"Cause we're so prestigious, we got it like that." said Neji as if it was the most obvious thing in thing in the world. Gaara rolled his eyes.

"Well you don't 'got it like that' here. Just pay so we can go on with life. You're filthy rich. 4.72 is like a drop in the bucket."

"But—"

"Ugh...," said Gaara exasperated. "You Konoha losers are so fucking retarded. Why can't you just order and pay like normal people?!"

"You're not exactly 'Mr. Ordinary' either!" said Neji "…but anyways, are you going to give it to me for free or not?"

"No!" The Hyuuga frowned.

"Well fine! I'll go somewhere that _does_ have curly fries!" And Neji proceeded to stomp out the door, scaring people with his Byakugan if they didn't move out the way fast enough. Gaara flicked off his retreating back. Please. A free meal just cause of your last name? What a jackass. A tap on the side of his cash register caught his attention.

"Lee. What the hell are you doing back here? And how'd you get back up to the front? The end of the line is all the way outside the door!" said Gaara. Lee gave him another blazing smile.

"I just told people if they didn't let me cut, I'd take my spandex off. They seemed very willing to move for me after that…anyways, I've decided to change my order---"

Gaara left the cash register. No way in hell he'd be having another 60-minute session with Lee and the wonders of meal choosing. He walked back into the kitchens and tapped Tenten on the back.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I'm quitting the cash register thing," replied Gaara. "I want to work back here in the kitchens." Tenten thought it over for a moment. Hmm…

"Well…I don't know…but who's working the register if you're back here?" Gaara just shrugged.

"Gaara! You just can't leave when there are people waiting! Shikamaru! Go work the register 'til break please!" Shikamaru dropped the tortilla he was holding and slipped off his gloves.

"Troublesome bun-haired girl…"

"I love you too Shika-kun! And thanks! ...Now what were you saying again Gaara?"

"I want to be back here with you making meals. So can you teach me a few entrée's and have me do the remainder of the lunch shift in the kitchens?"

Tenten sighed. Something told her that _maybe_, just _maybe_, having Gaara near other people's food might not be such a good idea. Then again this was the same voice that said Neji was secretly in love with Kabuto so maybe it wasn't as accurate as she thought. She silenced her inner self, taking a chance.

"What the hell? Why not!"

**:xXx:**

"Itachi, how the fuck did you get us lost? It's only 3 miles away!"

"I don't know…I'm just using the directions MapQuest gave us…" There was a collective groan behind him.

"MapQuest?! Ugh, didn't I tell you to use Yahoo Maps?!" yelled Pein. Kisame snatched the directions from Itachi.

"Or maybe you should just turn the paper right-side up! The map legend is supposed to be at the _bottom_! Uchiha's get way too much credit man…"

And they proceed to drive around while Taco Bell was just around the corner.

**:xXx:**

After waiting forever, Sakura reached the front of the line.

"Final-freakin'-ly! Err, can I get a number 3 with mild sauce!?" Shikamaru yawned widely.

"Sure Sakura…err, that'll be 5.59." She handed over the money and waited off to the side.

_-In the kitchen-_

Gaara smirked as he eavesdropped on Sakura's order through the window. Did she think she could get away with yelling at him while he was working the register? Foolish, foolish girl. A number 3 eh? Well Gaara made sure it was _him_ who made _that_ meal. He felt a gentle poke on his side.

"Hey Gaara , I have to get started on Choji's 102 taco order, so can you take the next few that come?"

Heheheh. This would be easier than he thought.

"Sure. And Tenten?"

"Hmm?"

"You wouldn't happen to know the Heimlich maneuver would you?" She looked at him peculiarly.

"Actually…I do. Why?"

"Oh nothing…" said Gaara airily.

**:xXx:**

Sakura stormed up to the pick-up line. "What the hell is taking ---!"

"Who ordered the number 3 with mild sauce?" said Gaara, coming out of the kitchens. He decided he wanted to deliver this_ personally. _Sakura frowned in annoyance at Gaara's appearance.

"No wonder!" she said throwing her hands into the air. "If you're back there, I'm lucky I got my meal this week!" Gaara rolled his eyes.

"Just take it and go sit down…"

"With pleasure."

**:xXx:**

Even after the many screams of alarm, Gaara did not retreat outside. He heard Sakura's over-dramatic tears, so she seemed to be okay. Well, she was breathing right? That's all that matters…

Tenten stormed in with a dangerous look in her eyes. If Gaara had been any lesser he might have been scared.

"Gaara! You better go out there and apologize to Sakura! She could have choked and **died**!"

Well that was sort of the point…

"Hn. Where is she?"

"Table 7!"

Gaara strode outside into the dining area with an air of nonchalance. As soon as Sakura saw Gaara, he could of sworn he saw the Sharingan flash in her eyes.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?! You're psycho! Why would you even do that?!" She jumped out to attack but some of the other customers concerned with her health restrained her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." said Gaara playfully. Sakura made another lunge but was once again held back.

"Don't fuck with me! I know it was you! Who _else_ would have put sand in my enchilada! " Gaara laughed sadistically.

"Of course it was me. What the hell did you think was in my sand gourd? Pizza toppings? You got what you deserved, you pink-haired harpy. Tell your friends about me. Next time it'll be freakin' _Anthrax_." And with that, Gaara turned his back on Sakura and retreated back into the kitchen.

**:xXx:**

It seemed like the workforce as a whole hated him after that. Even the janitors whom he never even spoken two words to snuck their glares in. But Gaara was used to the abhorrence. He tore families apart almost everyday. People have detested him since before he was born, and he didn't see that changing.

"We need two number 8's!" someone yelled.

"Gaara handle that one please!" shouted Tenten across the kitchen. Gaara nodded and then retreated to the back storage area for some more lettuce.

"Pssst! Gaara!"

Gaara heard the voice but pretended he didn't.

"PSSST! GAARA! It's just me, Kankuro! In here!" Gaara opened the storage door to find Kankuro hiding behind a barrel of silverware. The brother's looked at each other for a couple more seconds before older one spoke.

"Hey Gaara! How's it going? Anyways, I've decided to come and help you out a bit!"

"Kankuro. Go home." said the red-head. His older brother pouted.

"But Gaaarrrraaa! I have an ingenious plan to assist! Let me at least tell it to you!"

"You have 10 seconds."

"What if that's not enough to---"

"10."

"Okay! Well I bought some of my newly developed puppets with me, and they carry out tasks for you! It's almost like having a bushin, but this takes way less chakra! You can have them make tacos or whatever while you chill!" Gaara looked at his brother.

"You serious?"

"Yeah!" said Kankuro. "Just put your hand on their backs and input a small amount of chakra. Here. Try these four." From behind him, he brought out four life sized puppets with fake Taco Bell uniforms on. Gaara put his hand on each one's back and filled them with chakra. Their eye's started to glow immediately.

"You did it! …But wait…why are their eyes glowing red…they're supposed to be green…" Gaara glared at him.

"You tell me!" Kankuro thought it over for a moment.

"Hold on…you didn't put _killing intent_ chakra in them did you?" Gaara frowned.

"I can't help it. ALL of my chakra is killing intent…" Kankuro's eyes widened.

"Oh shit…"

"What?"

"Killing intent chakra gives them…well killing intent! They're just gonna start slaying everyone in sight until they're destroyed! We have to warn everbody!" Gaara sighed. He should have known…

"Kankuro," said Gaara angrily."I hope your own creation kills you, you son-of-bit---"

"Now isn't the time! Come on!"

Kankuro ripped out of the closet and ran toward the kitchen while Gaara sort of sped walk behind him. Kankuro yelled to get everyone's attention. Tenten was the first person they met.

"Gaara! What took you so long? …and who the hell are you?" Kankuro just ignored her.

"EVERYONE!" yelled the puppet master, getting the attention he desired. "I know this might be kind of hard to believe…some puppets are going to try and kill us all in about 10 seconds!"

Everybody in the kitchen laughed.

"It's true." said Gaara. As if on cue, four deadly looking puppets broke down the door.

"Oh shi---"

"RUN YOU FOOLS!"

And after a second of silence, everyone scrambled to the door.

But some didn't' make it in time.

"Konoharmaru!" yelled Hinata. She looked just in time to see his body fall to the floor. "I love you…"

People in the dining area got up and jumped out windows or ran out the door. Kiba, decided he would fight.

"Come on Akamaru! We can do---Akamaru? AKAMARU!!" The small dog 'ruffed' feebly as one of the lethal puppets struck him with a kunai.

"No---!"

"KIBA! LET'S GO! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" screamed Sakura, tugging his hand.

"But Akamaru…"

"COME ON!"

Reluctantly, he made his escape as well.

"GAARA!" yelled Kankuro over all the commotion. "What should we do!? There's no way we can take them all!" Gaara brought down his sand shield.

"I say we ditch this place and let them deal with it." Kankuro nodded.

"Nice plan!"

**:xXx:**

"Taco Chime is right there! To your left! You're other left Itachi!"

"Goddamn Deidara! It's Taco _Bell._ BELL!"

After many U-turns and shouting, The Akatsuki pulled into the parking lot.

They walked up Taco Bell's front entrance and immediately saw the puppets running amuck through broken windows.

They all turned and glared at Sasori.

"I swear to god that wasn't me!"

**:xXx:**

About four hours later, Gaara returned to the scene of the crime, only to have the manager curse and yell profanities at him. All in all there were three casualties. (four if you count Akamaru) Needless to say, Gaara was fired.

Just like it's needless to say Gaara killed the manager who fired him.

And how Gaara will _never_ step foot in another Taco Bell again.

He walked through his front door and sat down next to Temari on the couch. She turned off the news channel and sighed.

"You are _so_ not going to McClargy's Sand Emporium on Tuesday."

**:xXx:**

**Author's Note:** Well that was a joy to write, I really hoped you enjoyed it too. Many thanks to my **beta,** cause checking over **20 pages** for error is never easy. Anyways, thanks for reading and please review!

I'm starting a **contest** (yes Chibi Shino, **I AM** tearing a page out of your book. **XD**), that has to do with this one-shot. If you're interested, go to my **profile!**

Also, if you liked this story and have a couple minutes to spare, go check out my other humor stories like '_The Marriage Counselor'_ (especially if you like Gaara!) and _'Worst Case Scenario'._

**Ex-Oh-Ex-Oh-Ex…**

JayleeJ

XD.


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